Tag Archives: goals

What if Hope IS a Strategy

Merriam-Webster’s definition | https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hope

They say “hope is not a strategy” but… what if it is?

Don’t get me wrong, it can’t be the only strategy; but what if it’s the beginning? What if it’s the starting point? Heck, what if it’s the main point?

Stay with me here. As I was thinking about my goals, I kept asking myself what my single, solitary main purpose in life actually was. What was the thing that was going to get me out of bed in the morning even when I didn’t want to? What was the thing that was going to help me push through when I wanted to pull back? What was my single, solitary purpose for being on this planet?

I’d been wrestling with trying to identify this for quite some time. But I was thinking of the way I coached others, the way I wanted to support my children, the thing that I wanted and craved most during my own challenging life events, it came to me: HOPE. Giving and being hungry for hope was everything. Not just a big thing, but the biggest of things.

Here’s why: when someone has hope, they set big goals because they believe though they may be challenging, they are doable. When someone has hope, they work to clarify their vision because they not only feel called to do the seemingly impossible, because they know there’s a way somehow. When someone has hope, they love better, they give more generously, they rebound more quickly when they stumble and they help others to do the same because part of hope is knowing that there’s more than enough room for everyone to thrive.

When I didn’t have hope, I didn’t want to put my goals out there because it felt like it was doomed before I even said them out loud. When I didn’t have hope, I scoffed when other people dared to dream big because it hurt too bad to see them doing the thing I couldn’t. When I didn’t have hope, I was jealous when people accomplished things I wanted because the “pie” felt fixed; if they won, then I lost.

You see, without hope we are the worst versions of ourselves, playing small, wishing others struggle, bemoaning others successes, inflating our own excuses and more.

But with hope, we are the best versions of ourselves, wanting to give generously, encourage sincerely, share our gifts, and keep plugging away even through the hard. With hope we truly shine in our own God-given way and genuinely want others to do the same.

Hope makes us better and hope produces endurance. Hope is a strategy.

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Game On: How to use gamification to buy yourself more time

Game on copyFreeDictionary.com says that the phrase “buy time” means to increase the time available for a specific purpose. So, I guess, I really can show you how to buy some time—literally and figuratively.

No, you’ll never have more than your 24 hours each day as none of us really can, but frequently we squander our time too liberally. Around that idea, I can show you how to buy some of it back.

First, find and activity where you know your time is sucked from you like gravity in a black hole… for me it’s social media nonsense (not the marketing piece but just reading various articles and blogs, seeing what my friends and family are up to, meandering without purpose or value creation).

Then, identify something you know you should do like making cold calls or doing some push-ups.

Then buy your time by doing the things you should do first in exchange for a trade of the guilty pleasure you want to do but it typically doesn’t give you any return on your investment.

For example, you want to watch your favorite Amazon Prime series (I really loved Red Oaks) for 22 minutes, before you do, buy that time from yourself with 22 push-ups*. Or you want to check Facebook during business hours, buy 10 minutes of social media time from yourself with an equal number of cold-calls.

Sure, it’s a little cheesy. But gamification works! Just Google it to see the apps, stories, heck, even business built on the idea of tricking our stubborn, human selves into having a little fun in order to do the things we need to do.

Discipline doesn’t mean that we never have fun, or down time, or ROI-less moments; simply it means we choose those things after we have earned them—or in this case, bought them.

 

*Play around with the numbers, some numbers might seem too low—like 22 pushups (which takes about one minute); or too high—like 10 cold calls (which takes about an hour if done correctly). Maybe 5 pushups buys each minute or each cold call buys you two minutes. Be reasonable with yourself; challenge but don’t overwhelm. What’s important to keep in mind is the consciousness of the trade (rather than lapsing into binge- watching or binge-surfing) and the trap of doing the important, value creation activities first.

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How to use Visualization to get what you want

Visualization is critical in goal achieving.

Affirmations are important, journaling is important, planning and strategy are important. But visualization is critical.

In this video I explain how to incorporate visualization into your goal achieving strategy:

Visualization copy

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100 things to do besides Facebook

warning

Facebook should come with a warning.

My name is Marjorie, and I’m addicted to Facebook. It’s a true story. I can get sucked into social media better than just about anyone I know. Not a good thing when you have big goals you are trying to reach. Especially not a good thing when you tout the benefits of “living intentionally” like here, here, and even here.

But, alas, I am human. I have my vices. And I recognize some are more detrimental than others. While Facebook isn’t harming me or anyone else directly, it certainly does very little to help me reach my dreams. And if I am being honest with myself, what starts out as a genuine interest in sharing something with family or checking out what my friends are up to, often leads to rabbit trails of frustration, irritation, and general feelings of meh.

meh

Maybe what gives you feelings of meh isn’t social media, maybe it’s television, or video games, or binge-watching Scandal; whatever it is, you know it isn’t contributing to your best self.

What’s weird is I don’t believe we intentionally choose these things but they sort of choose us in the space that is devoid of a better choice—or plan.

So, here I give you my better plan of 100 things that I can do besides Facebook that all point me in the direction of certain goals or things that give me feelings of the-opposite-of-meh. Some, you will see, are super-basic. I’m okay with that—we are not trying to synthesize a new stable super-heavy element. The goal is to build momentum—positive momentum—toward the things that we want and away from the things that don’t serve us.

Each of these things (with only a couple exceptions) is designed to be doable in about five minutes—not-so-coincidentally the amount of time I am bored before I make a default-decision to “just see what’s happening on Facebook”…and 45 minutes later.

They are also designed to be done in many different places and under different circumstances. Sometimes boredom occurs while sitting in my car because I have five minutes between appointments; sometimes while unwinding at home after a full-day of training; sometimes during weekends with no particular plans.

Because of this, I want a Facebook alternative for any time, any place. And, before you ask, ya, many of these I already just do, but the idea is to have a go-to plan to replace the default plan.

Following is my list, what would you add?

100 things to do besides Facebook:

Health/Fitness

  • squats
  • lunges
  • plank
  • push-ups
  • dips
  • jumping jacks
  • downward dog
  • run in place or on treadmill
  • burpees
  • mountain climbers
  • walk dog
  • drink a big glass of water
  • sit outside getting vitamin D

Professional/Intellectual

  • write an article
  • update website speaking schedule
  • make a meme
  • clean up laptop desktop
  • send LinkedIn emails to 15 weekly contacts
  • read a book
  • peruse inc.com
  • teamroom (internal website)
  • corporate website
  • Sudoku puzzle
  • solitaire
  • audio book from collection
  • email a connection to say “hi”

Spiritual

  • buy a snack for a homeless person
  • pray for someone or something besides self
  • lighthouse cd
  • rosary
  • daily mass readings
  • go to confession
  • sit inside church
  • write 20 things for which I’m thankful
  • listen to music

Family

  • play a game with Smoochy (my adorable, hysterical, whimsical five year old)
  • read to Smoochy
  • crafts with Smoochy
  • push Smoochy on the swing
  • help Smoochy with letters
  • help Smoochy with numbers
  • talk to husband (novel idea, huh?)
  • text mom
  • call mom
  • start dinner
  • call Grams and Gramps
  • write a letter to Grams and Gramps
  • help smooch draw a picture or write a letter to someone

Organizational

  • change out hand towels
  • get groceries
  • fill up gas tank
  • pay bills
  • balance checkbook
  • clean chicken coop
  • sweep kitchen floor
  • put away dishes
  • throw in a load of laundry
  • fold a load of laundry
  • put away a load/pile of laundry
  • dust living room
  • find one bag of stuff to donate
  • organize one bin in garage
  • walk down the driveway to get mail (1/10th of the mile each way, this is an event, folks!)
  • clean the toilets
  • clean the sinks
  • clean the microwave
  • organize my desk
  • work on taxes
  • clean stovetop
  • refill toilet paper rolls in bathroom
  • change sheets
  • empty trash baskets
  • brush the dog
  • shark the floors
  • vacuum playroom
  • vacuum bedroom
  • vacuum living room
  • vacuum the formal room
  • sort/review mail on counter
  • make tomorrow’s lunch
  • pick out tomorrow’s outfit
  • clean closet
  • clean bathtub
  • clean shower
  • change front door wreath
  • put away seasonal decorations
  • fill up chicken food
  • change chicken water
    …Seriously. Why is this category so long?! Ugh.

Personal

  • visualize dreams
  • write out my goals and “why”s
  • make deodorant
  • make toothpaste
  • make laundry soap (I like to make natural products; don’t hate the playa, hate the game)
  • make seasonal craft
  • sewing project
  • cut some flowers
  • weed the rose beds
  • water indoor plants
  • water outdoor gardens
  • make some tea
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Do. Be. Get.

do be get 2So often we want to get something before we will be the person who will do what it takes to earn it.

I heard this sentiment recently in a training I was giving when I asked the group “what are some of the goals you want to achieve?” One participant said “make more money” as often people say. But when I pried more into the logistics of that worthy endeavor she expounded on a less-worthy vehicle for reaching said endeavor. “I want to be paid more, then I will take on more responsibility.”

She meant well. I know she did. But the problem with the statement is it’s like saying “I want to be smart, and then I’ll learn” or “I want to be a best-selling author and then I’ll put my ideas out there”.

And yet, we do this so often in our professional space. We ask for the raise first as if that is the key to unlocking our work-ethic and our potential. It’s not.

Think of an actress who wants a million bucks per episode. If she doesn’t have the audience, the accolades, or the acting chops to back it up, will she get it? Nope. She must first show that she has mass appeal and broad talent, then she will get offered the big bucks.

See we must do something (acting, performing as an indispensable asset, leading without being asked) before we can be something (an actress, an indispensable asset, a leader), before we can get something (the big paychecks, the promotions, the responsibility and the corner office).

Don’t fall into the get-be-do mentality that is rampant in our culture. This is the mentality that says you can work hard when you get paid for it, or you can get followers when you get the leadership position, and you can get happiness when everything falls into place.

These are all traps set out by the victim in attempt to recruit more victims. They are hard traps from which to pry yourself. And they create a vicious cycle of resentment, bitterness, and it’s-not-fair disease. I know, I’ve been there.

They are cancerous to a work environment and one’s family. But, sadly, the person they harm the most is the person who capitulated to them in the first place.

If you aren’t getting what you want, ask yourself what kind of a person do you need to be to get those things. And then ask that person what she needs to do. Then do those things—every single day.

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The 10-minute List

You can’t make more time–I’ve tried–but you can use the time you have a little bit better.

I’ve talked about Power Hours many times before. In my opinion, it’s the single best way to maintain a high level of consistent achievement. But how do you get their if you are falling into the procrastination doom-spiral?

I’m one of those people who tends to freeze when I feel overwhelmed. If something feels daunting, then better to take my mind off the problem altogether with mind-numbing social media or by binge-watching Netflix than to face and solve the problem. This is my nature, my default state.

This is a problem for me—or it can be if I don’t address it.

Well, now I have a new way to address it. Not so much new as in different, but new and improved. Like ketchup or something, it’s already kickass but it’s now kickass-ier, with real sugar or non-GMO tomatoes or whatever.

Back to making Power Hours more kickass-ier. As I have talked about before, I traditionally recommend Power Hours in three blocks of 20-minute segments, two times per day, for a total of six segments. This works for a lot of reasons I have mentioned so I won’t rehash.

The problem is it doesn’t work for the person, also like me sometimes, who is feeling overwhelmed, feeling like the goal is too big or frankly just not feeling like doing it.

(I know I shouldn’t admit that there are lots of times I just don’t feel like doing something.  I know there are people out there who haven’t had an out-of-discipline experience, but frankly, I’m not talking to those people—or if I am it’s to help them understand the people like me who don’t come perpetually disciplined. This is for the rest of the worthwhile, talented individuals who occasionally struggle with motivation, and those who lead them.)

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Ya, dishes and laundry are the domestic hot-potato in my home. #Embarrassing

So, again, back to making Power Hours more kickass-ier. Here is my list, here is one sliver of one fraction of what I need to do today. I have been procrastinating on my taxes, well, for months now. I know it’s a job that’ll probably take me a couple hours. Laundry, that’s just a given at my house. There is never a time laundry doesn’t need to be done. The next three are for a consulting project I am working on; it’s a fairly substantial project about to take 50-plus hours. I have got about five in, and would likely leave the last 40 or so for the weekend before the deadline… if it weren’t for this trick.

  1. Set my phone timer for 10 minutes.
  2. Dive into starting whatever is first on the list—like a sprint. Go!
  3. Because it’s only 10 minutes, I start swiftly, like ripping off a Band-Aid knowing full-well the Band-Aid will be off soon enough and I can go back to Words with Friends. Just kidding. Sort-of.
  4. Timer goes off.
  5. I keep going because I am in the middle of something important.
  6. Often the task gets completed in its entirety (depending on the scope) and always I get further than I would have.
  7. Feel accomplishment. Relief. It’s over.
  8. Tackle the next thing on the list (BECAUSE IT’S ONLY FOR 10 MINUTES!)

That’s it.

No magic. No brain-surgery. No super-human powers or Spidey-sense required.

Just a list. A list of deconstructed issues I need to tackle. The key is two-fold:

  1. The list needs to be bigger than a simple task such as “call the plumber” because, at least in theory, that isn’t a multi-faceted issue to be addressed. Although, you will see, I do have “dishes” on my list, and there is nothing complex about that (i.e. empty the dishwasher, load it, and wash any that don’t fit) but I detest it enough that I can easily put it off for hours if I don’t address it formally. This isn’t a to-do list as much as it’s a list of issues to be addressed (and I assure you, in my house, dishes are issues). Just use your good sense, you know what’s an issue for you.
  2. Be willing to stop when your timer goes off. This is probably more important than the first point. It is in this willingness that the fear of starting disintegrates. It is in the fear disintegrating that we start. And it is in starting that we realize it’s not so bad and often-times keep going. But we must be okay with stopping. No pressure. No guilt.

That’s all that needs to be done: A list of important task somewhere between not-overly-simple and not-overly-complex and the acceptance of only subjecting yourself to that “horror” for 10-minutes. Allow the feeling of accomplishment sink in. Lather, rinse, repeat. Or don’t. But do bask in the feely-good-feelings of getting that list out of the way.

If you want to take it to the next level as I will with my “Tax” item, which obviously is more than a 10-minute endeavor (although I spent 20 or more), you can break it out further next time. So my list for tomorrow will say “Receipts”, “Donations”, “Mileage” as these are the next steps that I identified missing from my pile-o-taxes today. But headed into today, I didn’t even know what I had gathered and what was missing. And I wasn’t making any progress starting to look for it.

The 10-minute list trick gave me the motivation to start with the peace of knowing I could stop.

I believe that’s part of the psychology of procrastination and fear. We procrastinators build up in our heads—some based on reality, some not-so-much—the pain that doing something is going to cause. Scenarios like “It’s going to take forever”, “it’s so horrible” and the like pervade our consciousness until that’s all we can see making the whole project much more daunting than it really is.

That’s why the 10-minute rule works: because even the most wildly abusive torture can be endured for 10-minutes. And then usually in that time we realize it wasn’t that hard or horrible. And once we are at that point we are already victorious. Regardless of if it was or it wasn’t, we have accomplished more than we would have had we not started.

What’s been haunting the back of your mind for some weeks now? What tasks and goals can you chip away with today by using the 10-minute list?

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Power Hour

ImageDo you want to do something big? Like really big? Maybe you have several things. That’s fine. We can work with that.

I’m going to introduce you to a concept called Power Hours. Maybe you’ve heard of it, or something like it. If not, that’s okay, too.

I’m going to tell you about what worked for me. You can try what I did. You can adapt it. You can try what I did then adapt it. It’ doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you do something.

And I’ll tell you why I did it so you can make an informed decision.

The concept, specifically my concept, of a Power Hour is three 20-minute segments two times per day (one in the morning and one in the evening). The reasons behind this are several:

1)      I have often said “I can do anything for 20 minutes.” This way, even the hardest of tasks have a bite-sized appeal.

2)      Having a morning Power Hour and an evening Power Hour is conducive to keeping goals at the forefront of your brain all day, and not getting cold by having a lengthy lapse.

3)      Completing two Power Hours per day actually works out to about 20 percent of your waking hours. If you are familiar with the Pareto Principle, then you understand the significance. If you are not familiar with the Pareto Principle, then stop now and read here.

4)      It’s hard to only have a single goal. This way, you can have six. Or at least several facets of a goal (for example, I did both yoga and cardio each for 20-minute segments; I read a general business book and industry specific information each for 20-minute segments).

5)      This works for professional goals, personal ones, or both.

6)      It can be adapted on days where you really are short on time. Some days I only completed one Power Hour with three segments. ImageSome days I completed all six segments but only for 10-minutes each. In my extreme resistance I would break down one 20-minute segment into four five-minute segments and splice them between the other segments. This helped me with fear, boredom, time obstacles, and other goal achieving saboteurs.

7)      But the biggest reason that this works  is because when you do a little of something daily you benefit from compound interest. Twenty minutes each day adds up to so much more than 140 minutes on only one day a week. It’s big. Especially over your lifetime.

For me, Power Hours are the answer to achieving a lot on a busy, working-mom’s chaotic schedule. I got more done and it had a profound impact on my attitude as well.

So can you do it? Is your goal worth creating a Power Hour of your own? How might you adapt what I do to fit you?

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Top Ten Networking Tips

1.)    Eat and drink less, meet and greet more (keep at least one hand free for shaking).

2.)    It’s not a social event, so don’t catch up with your friends.

3.)    Talk to at least three new people an hour.

4.)    Never open by talking about yourself.

5.)    Don’t sell; set the stage for a follow-up conversation.

6.)    Talk in terms of problems you fix, not benefits you add.

7.)    Ask a hook question that turns the conversation back to your connection.

8.)    Attempt to connect others; ask “who are you trying to meet?”

9.)    Add new connections immediately on LinkedIn ap.

10.)  Follow-up within 24-hours (or less).

Ask me questions or add your own tips @MarjorieDudley

Bonus Tips:

11.) Don’t assume people want your business card; wait until they ask. It shows less desperation and you might save a tree.

12.) Use time waiting in lines to your advantage. Say ‘hi’, ask what s/he does, find out what you shouldn’t miss. But for pete’s sake don’t play Words With Friends.

networking copy

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