Let me ask you a question that sounds simple, but has the power to change your relationships, your leadership, and your quality of life:
Are you negative… or are you a realist?
Because if you ask someone who’s negative, they’ll almost always tell you the same thing: “I’m not negative. I’m just being realistic.”
And listen—I get it. I really do.
My mom is one of those people.
She’ll tell you everything that’s wrong.
She’ll tell you everything she’s not happy about.
She’ll point out flaws in people.
She’ll point out flaws in processes and events.
She’ll spot the cracks in the foundation before anyone else even realizes there is a foundation.
Now, I love my mom. This isn’t a dig on her. It’s an observation.
And more importantly… It’s something I have to battle, too.
Because if you’re sharp, if you’re perceptive, if you’re experienced, if you’ve been through enough life to know how things can go sideways… it’s very easy to confuse awareness with negativity.
But there’s a difference.
And the distinction matters—because one will build your life, and the other will quietly drain it.
The Truth: Negativity Often Disguises Itself as Realism
Negativity is sneaky. It rarely announces itself as negativity.
It shows up as:
- “I’m just telling the truth.”
- “I’m just being honest.”
- “I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.”
- “Somebody has to be realistic around here.”
But here’s the problem…
Realism doesn’t have to be harsh.
Truth doesn’t have to be toxic.
Awareness doesn’t have to be loud.
Negativity isn’t defined by what you notice—it’s defined by what happens inside of you while you’re noticing it.
And that brings us to the real test.
The Two-Part Test: Are You Being Negative or Realistic?
If you want to know whether you’re being negative or whether you’re actually being a realist, it comes down to two things:
- Emotional Resonance
- Solution Orientation
Let’s break those down.
1) Emotional Resonance: How Charged Are You?
Try asking yourself this question:
How emotional am I getting right now?
Because negativity isn’t just a thought pattern—it’s a physiological state.
If you’re getting emotional, adrenaline is coursing.
Your voice is elevating.
Your speech is quickening.
You’re interrupting.
You’re spiraling.
You’re repeating yourself.
You’re getting worked up.
That’s not realism. That’s negativity.
And it’s not because the problem isn’t real.
It’s because your nervous system is shifting into a threat response. When you’re negative, your cortisol is kicking in. And cortisol has a job. It’s trying to protect you.
But here’s what it also does:
It narrows your thinking.
It shortens your patience.
It reduces your creativity.
It makes you more reactive.
It makes you more certain you’re right.
It makes you feel like everyone else is wrong. Point blank. Full stop. No gray area.
Negativity turns you into a firefighter… even when nothing is burning.
Realism is different.
Realism says:
“Yes, this is wrong.”
“Yes, this is broken.”
“Yes, this is disappointing.”
“Yes, this needs to be addressed.”
But it can say it without the emotional explosion.
Realism is calm enough to be useful.
Negativity is loud enough to be contagious.
2) Solution Orientation: Are You Moving Toward a Fix?
This is the second test, and honestly, it’s the one that never lies:
Are you creating solutions… or just creating noise?
In a negative state, people rarely ever come up with solutions outside of:
- complaining
- blaming
- criticizing
- replaying the injustice
- raising the volume
- recruiting others to agree
Negativity feels like progress because it’s active.
But it’s not progress. It’s pressure release. It’s emotional venting disguised as “problem-solving.”
Realists, on the other hand, can scan the landscape and clearly start to articulate options.
They don’t just say:
“This is wrong.”
They say:
“Here are three ways we could address it.”
“Here’s the root cause.”
“Here’s what we can control.”
“Here’s what we can’t.”
“Here’s the next best step.”
Realism creates space where root causes can be addressed and fixed.
Where negativity just creates heat, realism creates traction.
The Hidden Cost of Negativity
Negativity takes a toll on your life.
It takes a toll on:
- your energy
- your relationships
- your leadership
- your ability to influence
- your peace
- your confidence
- your creativity
- your health
And it’s exhausting because negativity requires constant output.
Constant commentary.
Constant reaction.
Constant scanning for what’s wrong.
It’s like living life with your hazard lights on.
And when you live that way long enough, you start to believe that the way you feel is the way the world is.
That’s when negativity becomes an identity:
“This is just how I am.”
“I’m just blunt.”
“I’m just a realist.”
“I’m not fake like other people.”
But realism isn’t fake optimism.
Realism is disciplined thinking.
It’s the ability to tell the truth without becoming the truth.
Realism Helps You Move Forward
This is why the distinction matters so much.
Because being a realist helps you move forward and tackle problems head on.
Realists don’t deny issues.
They don’t sugarcoat.
They don’t pretend everything is fine.
They simply refuse to let what’s wrong become the only thing they see.
They can acknowledge reality without being hijacked by it.
They don’t just point out the flaw. They become part of the fix.
A Simple Check-In You Can Use Today
The next time you feel yourself getting pulled into criticism, frustration, or “I can’t believe this is happening” energy, pause and ask yourself:
Am I emotionally charged right now?
Am I solution-oriented right now?
If the answer is “yes” then “no”… you’re not being realistic. You’re being negative.
And again—no shame. It happens to all of us. But the goal isn’t to be perfect. The goal is to catch it faster.
Because when you can shift from negativity to realism, you shift from reaction to leadership.
And that shift changes everything.
Stay relentless.
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